Paws for thought:- 'Alone in Veganville?'

There are days when, even though I have the support of my husband, I feel alone at sea, without a friend in the world and that no-one understands me. People don't understand the vegan lifestyle I'm living and the reasons why I'm living it. They don't understand the pain and scars that viewing/reading endless welfare stories have left on me...

Of course this totally disappears the minute I get back online and either tweet or read my email and the shared philosophy, warmth and love comes flooding in and lifts my soul (that is true 'veggie soup for the soul', for sure!)

Vegans do attract vegans, as one of my online friends said recently, and, for the most part, they are a great crowd - full of fun and sharing and solidarity. It's no exaggeration for me to say that these folk (none of whom I've ever met, yet, face to face) keep me going some days, giving me a ray of hope that people, and the world, can change for the better.

And if I thought there was a God, I'd thank her for them...

Within my real life day to day circles of family and friends, David and I are the only vegans and I cannot imagine what it would be like to be either on my own or the only vegan in a household. We stand alone in a group of people who now (I suspect) think we've 'gone too far' (hell, they thought we were crazy when we went vegetarian!). I know for a fact that some of them have always thought I was a 'bit out there / quirky' and have found it probably mildly amusing, quaint, even eccentric, that we keep chickens, grow veg and have thoughts different to those touted in the Daily [brainwash] Mail. WOW - aren't we radical???!!!

But my point is this: despite gentle explanations of our way of thinking / living, despite feeding people delicious vegan foods and despite looking (if I say so myself) pictures of far better health now than we ever did, none of them have have adopted any of the ways of our new compassionate life.

Worse still, I feel that when I speak with them, although I'm bubbling evangelically inside with all I've learnt and how they too could benefit, I don't feel like I can tell them, because they will think I'm trying to 'convert' them or force them into a 'cult' or something...

Now you can't chose your family, obviously, so one might expect them not to be as receptive - but you tend to chose friends based on the fact that you have things in common and an empathy with them. That being the case, why is it then that they are all carrying on eating meat and using animal products despite my new persuasion? 

It baffles me. 

It upsets me.

In the early days, I used to send the odd round-robin email about animal campaigns I felt strongly about or health issue pieces etc and not once did anyone ever sign, or even reply to me for that matter.

When David and I tried to help his mum with a health issue that was being affected by her (poor) GP recommended diet (even sending her scientific research that more dairy would be bad for her rising cholesterol) we were derided for our efforts and his brother even called his email 'spam'!

It was hurtful beyond belief - because all we wanted to do, all we ever wanted to do, was help.

Similarly, when I sent some info on the benefits to heart attack victims of eating less meat to one of my oldest closest friends (because her very carnivorous partner had not long suffered a heart attack) she said she'd read it and then I never heard any more. I didn't follow it up because to me, this silence meant they didn't want to hear what I had to say. I feel like they will think its just more vegan 'propaganda'. But how can it be, if all I'm trying to do is good in the world and to help others? Help, that I may add, is based on scientific fact NOT on meat / dairy / media / government-driven propaganda.

And when our invite to the annual family xmas meal wasn't for the meal, but was simply for popping by for a cup of tea in the afternoon (everyone else went to the main meal) we felt excluded and like the proverbial lepers. And a 4 hour drive to have a cup of black tea with people you're starting to feel less 'related' to - wasn't our idea of a happy xmas day. We politely declined and retreated into our little vegan shells.

My experiences so far are starting to make me think that Veganism has had such an unbelievably bad press, that the people we know think we're complete loony radicals. Perhaps our friends and family are scared that we've changed so much that they won't be able to relate to us?

The irony is that I would say we are far BETTER people now than we ever were - we're not corporate cogs any more, we're more chilled and we live with more consideration to all animals, people and the planet and with more compassion for all of these things.

But the increasing feeling that I no longer have the same connection to people who really mattered to me in my previous 'meaty' life is quite a high price to pay.

I'm feeling alone in Veganville.

Saddest of all, the one person who would have remained my constant companion through all of this, is no longer with me. Sally, my best friend of 35 years died of a very aggressive breast cancer just over two years ago. Her illness, in part, sparked my change of lifestyle - because together we researched into the whys of how she got cancer and the hows of curing it, and we both came up with a vegan diet as being a potential cure. For her it was too late, but for me, their was still only one lifestyle decision to be made.

So I'm lost in the middle of the town and need to know: where do I go from here?

Well, I need to keep hearing Sally's chirpy curiosity-filled encouragement in my head. She'd say, 'don't take it too personally, focus on the positives Chantal...'

So I must remember to be grateful for a loving husband, who, as a man, naturally isn't going to understand me 90% of the time, but, who DOES get me where veganism is concerned! And I need, and want, to stay connected to all of the fantastic new people that I've met through the likes of social media - people, who, like me, are trying to change the world with a passion.

I also need to work on helping to change the perception that people have of veganism - demystifying it, answering questions clearly and calmly, educating. spreading the word in a positive and modern way, wherever and whenever I can.

And I have to remember that I wasn't always vegan. I used to be like my friends and family too and just as I've thrown 1000% effort into changing my personal world, I need to make more of an effort with all of my old friends too.

I must never give up. Perhaps through compassionate, gentle persistence then, some of them might understand, and see what I see.
Perhaps one day, some of them might even move into Veganville with me.

Chantal xx

If you can relate to my reflections then consider yourself as having a new friend :) Is this potential reaction from others stopping you from becoming vegan? How are you finding it as a new vegan? If you've been vegan for years - how have you coped and what's your advice?
Don't let me be lonely on this issue too - please get in touch if you'd like to!